Am I What I'm looking for?

A few days ago I was complaining to myself about a friend I felt had let me down. I can be very introspective already and I found myself thinking about what I really value in friendships. What are the qualities that I desire in friendship? As I made a mental list, I was then prompted to ask this logical question: How do I personally measure to up to these qualities? I began to get defensive and rationalize here and there about why I wasn't always this or that or how it's different for me because..." We tend to extend ourselves a lot more grace than we extend others.

I believe we're called to focus on becoming the kind of friend we desire to have. It's about taking the wood plank out of our own eye before we worry about the speck in others. Lord, help me to think more about what I can bring to a relationship instead of what I'm not getting.

Amen,

Nathan

Think the Best?

Question: Are you the type of person that thinks the best about others or the worst? Do people have to first prove themselves to you before you view them in a positive way? An outlook that thinks critically of people until they prove otherwise is a heavy load for both sides. One side is an outlook of jaded cynicism (possibly coming from a critical home background or being hurt by people along the way of life.) The other side of our critical view of others is that we ask people to jump through hoops that we wouldn't want put on us. We can be critical of others in way that we would see as unfair if done to us.
I can hear the arguments now. Nathan, you don't know what's been done to me. You don't know how I've been treated....Do you just expect me to get run over? Answer: No. Thinking the best of others doesn't mean being unwise or not being realistic. It means a balanced approach of wisdom and a love for people that always hopes. Bottom Line: Treat and view people the way you would like to be treated and viewed.

Trust Me,

Nathan

He's Not That Into You....

As a parent you have an innate desire to keep your children from any harm. Sometimes that's not possible. Yesterday my boys and I were walking into our neighborhood pool clubhouse. As we entered the pool area my son Ethan (5) saw a boy that looked like his age. Ethan is naturally very friendly and promptly introduced himself, "Hi, I'm Ethan. What's your name?". The boy rejected Ethan with equal effort, "I don't care what your name is." The look on my son's face was heart breaking. I wanted to bring that kid correction and tell him, "Hey, my son Rocks! You should care." The reality is in life this won't be the last time my son will make an effort in a relationship and not be met half way.

It's natural to be frustrated with people that aren't "trying" or "investing" as much as we are in a relationship. Nothing hurts more than affection that's not mutual on any level. In the past I use to think that if I just show that person how much I care, how much I'll sacrifice, they'll finally see what a great person I am. I put so much energy into winning people that didn't want to be won. Scripture states, that "in as much as it is with you, live at peace with all men." That means we are called to do all that we can do. Bottom Line: We can't change others, that's God's job. We're not Him.

Believe it,

Nathan

Back To the Future...

I just walked out of a adoption dedication ceremony for a 13 yr old girl in our church. For her it was a long time coming, and a huge milestone for the family. Along with friends and family in the room there were several hopeful kids in foster care that are waiting to be adopted. I was overwhelmed with the feeling of pain for these kids that don't have a Mom or Dad who will care for them or call them their own. As I prayed for the young lady that was being adopted I reminded her that she does not have to be solely defined by where she's come from.

Maybe the family came from wasn't the ideal family. Maybe choices you've made in the past seem to haunt your heart and mind still today. Can I tell you that your past is not bigger than God's love for you. Know that God's best for your life includes redefining who you are with His love, mercy and forgiveness. Bottom line: Where you are going is more important then where you've been.

Believe it,

Nathan

Battery Wanted....

Let's say "hypothetically" I walked outside this morning and noticed the my drivers door was slightly open. And let's say it naturally didn't surprise me when my car wouldn't start (battery is dead right?). After grabbing some jumper cables from a neighbor (that I woke up) I opened the hood to find that my battery was not dead in fact I'm sure it was alive and well SOMEWHERE else. That's right boys and girls someone stole my car battery in the middle of the night. Ok...so it's not a hypothetical, it's reality. STINK!

With that in mind I'd like to ask a question. Are you living off of someone else's spiritual battery (experience)? Do you mooch off of other people for spiritual and emotional support all the time? If so, you need to know that Christ wants a personal relationship with you, not a religious one. He doesn't want you living vicariously through other people. Is your life compass spinning? Do you feel like you don't know where to turn? I encourage you to stop striving by calling one more person or trying that "next" book. Have your own authentic experience with God.

Get Started,

Nathan

Don't Be That Person...

Pet Peeve Alert: Those people that talk about themselves incessantly. Recently I had a chance to catch up with a friend from the past. It would have been a pleasant conversation had it not been for the fact that my friend talked the entire time and then shockingly had to go. There was a trite "how's the family?", but you could tell it was meaningless. You could tell there wasn't a genuine desire to know how I or my family really was. I've been guilty at times of dominating conversations with stories. Here is a test: Next time you are sharing a story with someone and you are interrupted by something, see if people ask you to finish your thought. If they don't, there's your sign. Bottom line: It's not just about asking the right questions in a conversation. It's about genuinely wanting to know the answers. Don't just talk to me...listen to me.

Hear me,

Nathan

Decision Making....

Bad Decisions many times are like bananas they come in bunches. So it's no surprise in looking back over the last 5 years of my life I can see a pattern of one bad decision after another in my relationships, my career, my spiritual life, etc. It has caused me to put some consistant measures in place to reduce their frequency. Here's what I've done:

1. Committed to pray about major decisions until I feel a secure "peace". If that peace doesn't come, it's a no-go.

2. Committed to completely hear out my wife's counsel. Her intuition is undeniable.

3. Committed to run all major decisions by a select group of men. Scripture states that we should, "Walk with the wise."

4. Committed to never make major decisions when exhausted and/or depressed.

For me these principles have already made an impact on myself and my family when making life changing choices. Bottom line: Our decisions in life don't just effect ourselves alone....why make decisions that way?

Time to Decide,

Nathan

When it Hurts....

Nothing quite matches the feeling when someone close to us fails us. It draws out of us a myriad of emotions: anger, frustration, confusion, sadness....you get the idea. And when we feel like someone is letting us down or has failed us completely we many times immediately distance ourselves from them because we don't want to deal it out. We don't want to have to confront and call someone out on the carpet or bring correction where it's needed. We can begin to avoid and even ignore them completely. And Depending on the severity of the wound it can sometimes take a while for us to bounce back. Being hurt is normal and we should allow ourselves the right grieve that which has been lost. With our trust for them on life support however, and us wanting so badly to stay ticked off at them we can set up a scenario for a "perfect storm" of bitterness to take up residence in our heart. Don't let it. Bitterness and unforgiveness are bedfellows and do not play nice together.

Yes, own how you feel. Yes, confront the person with the offence but don't hold onto it. "Forgive as Christ has forgiven you." Surely you can think of a time when you've failed someone. A friend, a family member.....God. Forgiveness doesn't always mean reconciliation. Forgiveness means giving up your right for pay back. Leave that to God. He's much better at it.


Forgive,

Nathan

The Why....

For a second I'd like you to think about a goal you might have, a degree you might be after, a relationship you are in. Let's call that the "what". Next, I'd like you to think about why you are in that relationship or why you are chasing that goal or degree. We'll obviously call that the "why". Not knowing the whys behind the things we are doing or want to do causes the following:

1. We won't know the purpose behind all the efforts we are putting in.
2. We'll get distracted by other people or things that come along.
3. We'll give up more easily when we run into obstacles.

But if we know the "why" behind the "what" in our lives we can know exactly why we are in that relationship and exactly "why" we are in that job or chasing that goal. Take a bit and really examine why you are doing what you are doing. I think it will be worth your time.


It Matters,

Nathan

Stressed Out

Stressed out. That's how I've felt this week. This underlying tension that is in my chest and in the pit of my stomach. It's pervasive in my thinking. When I get this stressed out I begin to get stressed about things I NEVER been worried about. It's like a cancer spreading quickly into every category of my life: personal and work. When I realize that I've been taken over by this emotion, I many times come to the understanding that I haven't spent any time in prayer and I'm trying to do it all in my own strength. I start to withdrawal from people. I become incredibly irritable and I also begin to make poor choices along the way. In the midst of a schedule and a task list that is unrelenting I must.....Stop. Do whatever it takes to stop for a moment and pray not for the sake of finding "inner strength", but to be reminded that you can't do any of this on your own. Bottom line: Stress can be regulated by prayer.

Peace,

Nathan

Rear Window....

In the spring of my junior year in college I had a blow out on a freeway in Dallas. Frustrated at the thought of having to change a tire on the side of a freeway I made my way to my trunk and whispered a prayer that someone might pull over and help me. Sure enough, at that exact moment a car stopped just in front of me on the emergency lane. I could see two kids looking back at me in the rear window as their dad walked back to me. He said, "Have a flat tire?", as I stood in front of my shredded blown out pile of rubber. "Ummm yeah", I said, not wanting to point out the stupidity of his question and just thankful that he had stopped. As I bent down to take the hub cap off, he said, "I'd love to help you, but first you're going to have to help me." I looked up and realized that from somewhere he had pulled out a revolver. I froze......He said, "Give me all the money in your wallet." Shaking, I reached to my back pocket and as I was pulling out my wallet I remembered that I only had a single dollar bill. With my thumbs I opened up the wallet for him to see and said, "That's all I got." Seeing the single dollar he got angry and I closed my eyes as he hit me in the chest with handle of the gun. He said, "You've got to be kidding me". He then proceeded to take the dollar and run back to his car. I stood there with my hands still in the air watching his kids look back at me through the rear window as they drove off.
As my knees gave way to the thought of what just happened I sat down and made sure I hadn't wet myself. Then my mind went to those kids in the rear window........It's been 12 years since that day on the freeway in Dallas and I still think about those kids in the rear window from time to time. Where are they? How did their life turn out? How do they view life now?

Bottom line: We never know the background of the people we interact with. Let's make sure our interactions with them count.

It matters,

Nathan

Listen....

Several weeks ago I was watching T.V. when I happend to look over at my wife. The look on her face spoke volumes that only a husband of 10 years can read. The "look" said this: "I've just been talking to you and you haven't heard a word I've been saying." I proceeded to stop everything and give her my full, undivided attention.

It was a good reminder that there is a huge difference between hearing and listening. Hearing means that you are hearing the audible tones coming out of someones mouth. Listening means you are proactively giving attention to grasp the content that another person is sharing. Are you a hearer or a listener? Hearers act like they're listening when really they are placating. Hearers mentally prepare their response while the other person is talking. Listeners allow the other person to fully share and then think about their response. Listeners stay present in the moment and ask follow up questions to show that they are following along. Bottomline: Your relationships (personal and business) will only go as far as your ability to listen.

Testing 1, 2, 3,

Nathan

Do Overs....

What happens when you are hit hard with the reality that life has not gone the way you had planned it? The Play of your life has not played out the way you wrote it. People aren't reading their lines as you envisioned. Your friendships, your marriage, your family, your career...even you yourself have not turned out the way you wanted.

Sometimes things turn out better than we expected, but many times we find ourselves frustrated and discontent with how the cookie has crumbled. This discontent can leave marriages and families in ruins, careers in disarray and relationships struggling. I believe our life is made up of a combination of our choices, the choices of others and a sovereign God. While our circumstances can many times be a great motivation for us to move forward we can also end up spending way too much time looking at the past with regret and viewing the future as a fix. What we miss out on is the present. Don't.

Live the present,

Nathan